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Tuesday, December 4, 2012

I haven't forgotten..

I know, I know.. It's been another long stretch since I've updated. You know how it is, though. Holidays, life. Children.

In the beautiful chaotic world that is my life, I've had quite a lot to deal with yet again. Cole developed stomach pains a week ago and was just in agony. My husband and I weren't completely convinced that it was .. well .. you know .. real, at first. It had an uncanny timing about it. The stomach pains, that is. They always seemed to come first thing in the morning, just before school. Yeah, yeah, what kind of parent thinks their child would try to get out of going to school?! Sheesh. Well, these parents. The ones that did try to get out of school a time or two themselves. Anyhow, several doctors and tests later we've come to find that he has Mesenteric Adenitis. Basically this means he has an infection and his stomach lymph nodes are taking the brunt of it. Rarely, though, this can be a sign of lymphoma so just to be certain it's not, we have another followup coming up in a couple of weeks.

Miss Haevyn had shots yesterday at her 9 month appointment and has had a terribly high fever because of them. She's also clingy and her legs hurt. She refuses to take her medicine without first emptying her stomach all over me and anything near us so it makes it a bit difficult to help her. But, alas, I do not give up easily. Every 4 hours we try again.

Mehkaelie is going to a sleepover this weekend and next weekend for a birthday party that is for the same child. That's not strange at all, eh? Well, whatever, I guess. She's only getting one gift ;)

Aside from that stuff.. we celebrated Thanksgiving with the in-laws. It was a lot of fun and even more great food! I need to start doubling any recipe I make, though. Apparently how much I think we all eat compared to how much we actually eat is a bit off.

We've also just had my dads birthday! We got him a special edition World of Warcraft mug and didn't even notice before sending it to him that there was a misprint on it. It says Stormwind on it but has a picture of Ironforge behind it. If you play WoW, you know how big of a difference that is.

And we put up the Christmas tree, decorated it, I wrapped a bunch of gifts we've already bought and put them under it and now it's torturous to the children to see them and not be able to have them. I finally understand why this is so amusing to parents. Not that I WANT to torture my children, of course.

So, there you have it. That's what I've been up to. I'm sure there are pages and pages more but that's all I have for you right now.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Halloween + Thankful November

Well Halloween (and therefore October) is over! I have two huge gallon containers of candy to prove it! We separated the chocolate candy from the hard/fruity/non-chocolate candy and surprisingly enough the kids came up with just about the same amount of both. Last year they accumulated a TON of hard/fruity/non-chocolate candy and not so much chocolate (boo!). The kids had a blast trick-or-treating and Cole didn't get tired after only one block. In fact, by the end of the night he was declaring that he was "not even tired yet!"



Haevyn's first Halloween.. I think she enjoyed it, as much as any 7 month old can, that is! She did like my costume quite a lot. She laughed and smiled at me.. her sisters costume however scared her a bit! She cried when she saw her.

I saw this cute Halloween/Fall idea online and I just had to do it! She didn't want to look at the camera for anything. All three of us were standing in the front yard making weird noises and dancing around to no avail. She wanted to play with the leaves and look down inside the pumpkin to figure out why she was in it. I think it turned out pretty darn cute all-the-same! So, mission accomplished!

Well, it's onward to Thanksgiving now! I love Thanksgiving. I miss spending Thanksgiving with my dad and his side of the family. We haven't gotten to do that since I was pretty young. Now he has Thanksgiving with his wife and her family and I have Thanksgiving with my husband and his family. As much as I love this holiday, I do miss my family a lot during it. A friend on Facebook mentioned a cute little project her and her family were going to do.. she was going to hang up a "tree" and every day they would all write one thing they're thankful for on leaves. I thought I'd snag the idea and change it up a bit. We're doing a turkey and feathers! The kids have named him Trenton. He is Trenton the Thankful Turkey. We made him and his feathers together. Joe and added ours after the picture was taken. He's going to be loaded with all sorts of colors of feathers by the time Thanksgiving comes around! I'd love to do something similar every year. I was thinking next year we might write one-word-thanks on small stones and make a sort of rock garden of thanks with them. We'll see if I remember it by then! I can't wait until Haevyn can participate, hopefully next year. Maybe not for another two years though, we'll see.

Day 1: Cole is thankful for coloring pages.
Day 1: Mehkaelie is thankful for her family.
Day 1: Mom is thankful for her beautiful, healthy children.
Day 1: Dad is thankful for his wife and kids.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I'm Back

It has been 20 days since my last post!

In my defense my oldest had surgery two weeks ago and between keeping up with her, the baby, my son, husband, house and any and everything else that was thrown in my lap, I really didn't have time to update.

Mehkie is doing great. She's healing up perfectly. The day of the surgery I was a wreck. I was so jittery you'd have thought I was on something. Of course, I wasn't, but you'd have had to do some pretty serious convincing to get people to believe that! Everything went swimmingly, though, and she did fantastic. She wasn't hurting near as much as we thought she would be which was spectacular. She was still quite needy, though. We had her post op checkup yesterday and she's healing up great. Not 100% yet but the doc said it wouldn't be but a few more days, tops, until she was perfectly perfect again. Woo!

While she was home from school I started watching Lost. I had never seen this show before so it was pretty great to be able to start at the beginning without wanting to skip the less-liked episodes. I really enjoyed this show quite a lot! There are six seasons total, the last three being significantly shorter than the first three. Season five was definitely my least fave with season two being my most fave. The finale was pretty incredible albeit predictable. My favorite finale of any show is definitely Charmed, still.

It is Breast Cancer Awareness Month this month and it's already almost over.. I almost always do an awareness picture for BCA and haven't this month. Of course, I have been a smidge busy with things *wink* Debating if I'm going to do something this year or just continue with the pink ribbon spreading and call it good. It is a topic very close to my heart and one I feel very strongly about so not doing something makes me feel like a slacker!

Cole goes back to see his neurologist next month. I'm not worried about this one as he's been seizure free since being back on his medication again. I hate that he has to take it at all though. I am going to talk to the doc about that and see how long he thinks we need to wait before trying to go without again. I'm still not convinced that the last seizure wasn't due to the skull fracture he sustained at school last year.

Haevyn still has zero desire to crawl. In fact, she will work herself up into quite the tizzy if she has to stay on her tummy at all! She is starting to really like her walker, though, and loves holding your fingers when standing and she's even starting to try and take a few steps that way. She has also started doing this new wide-mouthed-fish-face thing that is .. well .. it's not a pretty look for her, we'll just say that! It cracks up her sister, though, and that seems to be all she's worried about. She loves when they laugh with/at her!

Halloween is upon us once again and I'm really hoping the weather isn't too bad since it's Haevyn's first. I'd like to stroll her around with her brother and sister without her turning into a popsicle or soggy mess. Cole is going to be Harry Potter and Haevyn will be his owl, Hedwig. We thought that was adorable, hopefully they can pull it off! Mehkaelie has decided to be Little BLACK Riding Hood. She wanted to go a bit "dark" this year instead of sweet/pretty. This actually makes me pretty happy, I love Halloween, but with young kids you can't really get into the scary aspect much without scarring them, hah! Well, my kids anyway. They're not big fans of being scared.

I'm already planning for Thanksgiving and Christmas as well! Yay first holidays again! They always seem a lot more special and fun when celebrating with a baby for the first time for some reason.

And speaking of baby, she's demanding my attention. Ciao for now my friends.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

..and then the toilet paper dispenser attacked me.

This past Sunday my family and I went to the Oklahoma City Zoo. My husband, Joe, hadn't been in about 15 years so he was looking forward to seeing the changes. The kids and I had come over the summer with my mother-in-law and Mehkaelie's fourth grade class had their field trip at the zoo in late April but we were still super excited about going!

When we woke up, it was raining and quite cool out. I checked the weather and it said what I had hoped, that the rain would be gone within the hour and the sun would come out later that afternoon. We bundled everyone up and headed off to the city!

Haevyn's awesome hair-do
after taking off her beanie cap
on the way to the zoo.
When we got there the rain had already settled to a very fine mist and by the time we had parked and unloaded the car, it had stopped. We paid our way in, grabbed a map, and together tried to decide where we wanted to go first. That's when Joe pointed out that I was having so much trouble deciding because I was reading the Spanish side and not the English. I knew that, of course, I was just checking to see if he was really paying attention. *ahem*

We decided to walk through the Children's Zoo first since that seems to be where we always end up anyway and usually, never get past. We agreed we'd spend no more than ten to fifteen minutes in this area and then move on.
The kids really enjoyed the stone slide! There was also a small cave, some climbing ropes and a tunnel to walk through and view insects in this area. It was very informative and pretty neat to be able to see these things in the "dark" of the tunnel.

This is where Cole decided he was just so excited he couldn't stand to wait on us slow-pokes any longer and kept trying to run ahead. We kept getting on to him about needing to stay with us so he didn't get lost from us but he insisted that he would stay within eye shot. I finally ended up having to make him hold on to the stroller with me. He didn't like this idea one little bit, but he didn't run off ahead of us anymore, either. Mom, one. Son, zero.

The lorikeet exhibit was as fun as ever. This time it was Cole who was surrounded by the birds, they were even giving him kisses!

Even Joe made some new friends and was getting some action! He hadn't been to this exhibit before and was very impressed by it. He liked it quite a lot.

Mehkaelie shied away from the lorie's this time for some unknown reason. She wouldn't tell me why, just that she didn't want them all over her this time. I'm wondering if one may have had a potty break on her last time and she didn't tell me. Hmm..


Along the way we came across one of those put-your-head-in-the-hole-and-take-a-picture signs so we did! Well, the kids and I did. Joe was being a party pooper and wouldn't play along. Haevyn was less than thrilled about having her head held up to a hole as you can tell, as well.

Since the snake building didn't allow strollers and I didn't want to leave our stroller parked outside by itself, Haevyn and I took a moment to find a bench so she could nurse while Joe took the big kids inside to see the snakes and lizards. While Haevyn and I were resting, she thought it would be funny to keep popping off of my nipple while I was feeding her. She'd smile a little and then pop off and look around like she was thinking, "I wonder how many people I can expose my moms nipple to!" After I started to give up on nursing her she decided she'd go ahead and finish eating.

Once the rest of the family came out of the snake building (there's an actual name for it but I can't recall how it's spelled and spell check is zero help .. herpeterium? I think?) we decided to have a potty break and head to the giraffes. They were going to be feeding them and allowing others to feed them from 11-12 and I really wanted the kids to be able to do that.

While in the restroom, I found that there were no seat covers, so I carefully and artfully constructed my own out of the toilet paper from the dispenser. Once covering the seat completely, I did my business and then the toilet paper dispenser attacked me. No joke. It literally fell apart right there, just as I was reaching for the toilet paper, the cover flew off and sideways and smacked me right in the face. It whacked my eyebrow then shoved my glasses into my cheekbone, sliding down my cheek, before banging hard against the stall wall. I sort of just sat there in amazement wondering if that had really just happened. The soreness of my face and the sudden quietness in the restroom assured me that yes, it had. -Question. Why, when we hear a loud noise do we suddenly get quiet? Are we expecting to decipher exactly what the loud noise is coming from? Well if we do, then what? What did the other restroom patrons hope to accomplish by discovering that the dispenser was attacking me? Would they have come to my aid had I yelled? Probably not.. They probably would have made a beeline for the door..- Anyway, I tried my best to put the dispenser back together but it wasn't having it. I'm not sure what I did to snarl it off into some unknown dimension of broken but, there you have it.

We made it to the giraffes with about 15 minutes to spare before they stopped feeding them. Mehkaelie ran into a friend of hers from school that had just finished feeding them as we were coming up. The kids were handed handfuls of romaine lettuce and the giraffe guardians (I'm not sure what they're really called) explained what they would be doing.. How to feed them, what to expect, told us the names of the giraffes and so forth.



This was my favorite part while we were there. It was so cool being that close to the giraffes and watching the kids feed them! I just wish Haevyn were old enough to have gotten a chance to do the same.

After the giraffes we had lunch. Nothing exciting to report about that.

After lunch we walked around looking at other animals and reading their plaques. Sadly, not many of the bigger animals were out. I was really hoping to get to see some rhino's and elephants but I didn't get to. Oh well, maybe next time!


We did feed the ducks, which was a lot of fun for the kids, and Joe, and me. Haevyn didn't seem to care either way as she was asleep through the whole ordeal.




After the ducks we walked around a little more, the kids played at the playground for about two minutes before discovering that the bungee jumping machine, The Leaping Lizard, was up and running. They decided this is where they wanted to spend their zoo money. We cashed in their money for tokens and got up to the gate where I had to fill out paperwork releasing them from liable should anything happen to one of the kids whilst on the gadget. Way to make a mom feel safe, yeah? Cole had gotten his shoes off and I was just about to start on his paperwork when he informed me that there was no way he was going to go through with this business. Mehkaelie on the other hand couldn't get strapped in fast enough! It was hilarious seeing her get bungee'd back and forth. She had so much fun, it was fun to watch. I wasn't even very nervous! Well, to be fair, though, the thing doesn't go *that* far up in the air, and there's no real free-falling happening.

And, that was about it for our adventures at the zoo. We walked around only a little longer since it was starting to get very humid and the kids were starting to complain that their feet were getting tired.

It was a great day. Lots of fun and I'm so glad Joe was able to come this time. I hope we are able to have more family outtings as great as this one was in the future. And hopefully once Haevyn is a little older I'll have more pictures to post of her! She mostly just slept through everything or sat quietly looking around and absorbing everything this trip.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

My Oldest Daughter

I'm not sure why, but my oldest has been on my mind a lot lately. I've been thinking about everything .. when she was born, learning to walk, talk, dress herself.. When she started school, started making friends, went on her first sleepover.. Everything. I think I'm still in a bit of denial about her being ten years old already. It just doesn't seem possible. Were it not for the younger two, I think it would be a lot easier to deny.

She was such a sweet baby when she was born. I hate this picture of her, though. That's awful to say, isn't it? The very first picture I have of her and I don't like it at all. The nurses woke her up to take the picture and she was so mad. She started screaming about .2 seconds after this picture was taken .. you can already see her little face getting red and blotchy.. But, bad picture or not, I love that face. I love that pink skin, that fuzzy brown hair and those tiny, perfect hands. I love that scrunched up face and those pouty lips (that she still has to this day, by the way). I loved everything about her then, and I still do now. More-so, even. I don't know what I would do without her. My pregnancy with her was, of course, my first so I didn't have any expectations other than to get fat. When I was choosing her name, it really wasn't that hard. I knew I wanted "Brooke" in there some where. Years ago, when I was just a child, maybe 5 years old at the most, we were at some sort of church function and all the kids were scattered around playing here and there. A little girl and I had found ourselves a pretty brook to play in and were just laughing and having a gold ol' time together. When her mom found us, she smiled very sweetly, one of those mommy's you know you'd like, and took the little girls hand and said, "Come on Brooke, we have to go now .. say bye bye to your new friend." and there she went. Brooke had big blue eyes, snow white skin and a huge puffy party dress on. I don't know why I remember her or why that memory is still so fresh in my mind to this day, but it is. I obviously wasn't thinking about having kids at that point but as I grew up and my friends and I would talk about "when we grow up" that little girl was always on my mind. Brooke Donaldson doesn't sound very good, though. Not to me, anyway. So I decided a middle name would work. My step-mom mentioned liking the name Makayla and my pseudo-mom at the time mentioned liking the name Kaylee. I liked them both so I decided to smash them together. Makaylee looks like a breed of monkey to me, though. So, in the way that I've perfected (in my mind at least), I scrambled up some letters, phonetically sounded it out, and Mehkaelie is what I came up with. It looks really pretty when you hand write it, I think. Mehkaelie Brooke. When she was first put in my arms I thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and the softest thing I had ever felt. Even if I was so drugged up I couldn't see straight, I saw her and everything about her made me smile.

Joe, Mehkaelie and I went on our first "Family Trip" around part of Oklahoma when she was 13 months old. We went to Alabaster Caverns, Boiling Springs State Park and Glass (or Gloss) Mountain. One of my favorite pictures ever of Mehkaelie was taken at Glass Mountain. She was walking barefoot (she loathed shoes at this point) picking little flowers from the side of the pathway. She looks so happy and carefree in this picture. There's no comparison to it all these years later. Of course she's taken plenty of fabulous pictures since this time, but this one is still my favorite. Perhaps it has to do with my ecstasy of the day. It was one of the most perfect days of my life. Excluding the births of my children of course. Joe and I were ridiculously happy and so much in love that you couldn't pry us apart. Seeing him with Mehkaelie made my heart so happy I would nearly cry on a regular basis because of it. They loved each other so much and I'm happy to say, still do.

She turned 10 a month ago and it still seems pretty surreal. I'm sure lots of parents feel this way, though.

Christmas 2005
2006 - Caught hiding under daddy's desk!
Mehkaelie is so bright, so smart, so beautiful and talented, again, I'm sure lots of parents feel this way about their kids! But that's a good thing! I love going to parent teacher conferences like we did just yesterday and hearing the teacher tell me how great she's doing. She loves the Gifted And Talented Education program she's in and comes home telling me all about it every Monday afternoon. She's also in Honor Choir for the school now and she was also selected to be in the Mustang Area Honor Choir! I'm so incredibly proud of her. Wow. I never knew how much love one person could have for another until I got to meet my beautiful baby girl for the first time and over the past ten years that love has swelled exponentially.
2007 - Summer before school started
Kindergarten, Spirit Day! 2007

Here are just a few of my favorite pictures of her throughout the last few years. I love seeing how much she's grown! But she'll always be that sweet little squishy faced baby I gave birth to all those years ago.




Picked out her own outfit, shoes and all.
She was so proud of herself!
2012 - 10 Years Old
2011 New Glasses

Thursday, September 20, 2012

I Don't Drink Coffee

Last night was a rough one. On me. Not the baby. She's fantastic. She woke up about 12 times last night wanting to play. I don't understand why, she didn't have any extra naps or even a late one .. just one of those nights, I suppose.

I had set something up on the window sill in the kitchen and at about 12:15am (about 30 minutes after I'd gone to bed) it fell knocking several things over on its way down, sending them all clattering to the floor very, very loudly. It woke me from my sleep making my heart pound and sending my imagination in twenty different directions thinking someone was breaking in or had just shot a bullet through my window or perhaps Mr. T from my closet years ago was back to eat my toes.. All of these things shot through my mind in about a half of a second and then my mommy senses kicked in and I jumped out of bed hurling myself toward the sound of the commotion. If someone was in fact breaking in I'd much rather they run into me than one of my kids. If a bullet was shot through my window I'd much rather be the one slicing my feet open on the shattered glass than one of my kids. And if Mr. T was back from my childhood closet set on eating my toes, I was going to show that punk what was what and send him straight back to where he came from. Behind the second row of clothes, just before the shoe rack. But, it was just the freezer rack falling from the window sill. Somehow no one else was awake but my heart was pounding so hard I couldn't hear anything but my blood rushing and my heart pounding in my ears. I cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and laid back down.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Random Jabber

Firstly, check out that new header. Pretty cute, right?

This weekend my baby girl upgraded out of the infant carrier and into a convertible rear facing car seat. I have to admit, it was a bittersweet moment for me. It feels like she's growing entirely too quickly for my liking, considering she's our last baby and all. But, at the same time, I really love being the mommy to two wonderful big kids and I really enjoy the big kid things we get to do together. You have a lot more options when your kid/s can walk, run, sit without screaming, etc. But, still. She's my baby. I don't want her to grow so fast!

I love fried rice. It is by far one of my favorite foods. I could eat it regularly without tiring of it. The only problem is, I don't always have access to a chinese food restaurant to go pick some up whenever the desire strikes, so I decided to learn to make it here at home. After much browsing online and in cook books I found a recipe I wanted to use. I have to say, it was no where near as easy to make as I thought it would be! I ended up making quite the mess, but I did succeed in the end.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Selfish Lil Pity Party

I'm going to be selfish for a minute, k? In fact, this is actually going to be a pity party type thing.

I apologize in advance if this offends anyone.

Wait. Actually. Scratch that. I've given you fair warning, more than. Stop reading if you are going to get judgy. Thanks.


This year has blown so far. Of course there's been good things, remarkably amazing, even.. but overall, this has not been a good year.

January and February weren't awful.. just a bunch of doctors and nurses telling me to, "watch your blood pressure, young lady!"

Then came Leap Day, my admittance into the hospital. Tests, boredom. More tests, more boredom. One more test, induction. Beautiful baby girl named Haevyn Adalie that has somehow made my family even more complete than I'd already thought it was.

A month and a half later, my sister passes away. I know it's not her fault, it's no ones fault, but come on! I had just had a baby! I was still feeling the warm fuzzy glow of having a newborn and my sister dies. We hadn't even talked much for several reasons, but one of which being she told me she couldn't talk to me because she was jealous that I was pregnant and she couldn't have any more children. Well, ugh, fine. She didn't get to meet her. She didn't get to give her a sweet nickname like she did my first daughter, my oldest, Mehkaelie; Mehkie. Damn it.
They had a memorial for her in Arkansas on incredibly short notice and I wasn't able to make it because, oh yeah, I had a newborn! I wasn't healed up, she sure as hell wasn't ready for a car trip that long, and I was assured there would be one up here for her family, rather than only for her husbands down there. Well, we're still waiting on that to happen. Instead, my kids and I have done our own little things to remember her by.

My dad has several health issues that need to be addressed, but mostly, he needs to get the kidney stone the size of a frickin softball out of his gut. Several surgeries and months later, and there are still pieces in there. And I'm not even close enough that I can be there for all of them. I only made it up there for one. Not even for it, after it! A day before my birthday, I might add.

My uncle, my only uncle (so far as I've ever known that is, yes, I have others, but none that were a part of my life, none that were him) passes away. I haven't seen him since Mehkaelie was a year old and we were living with Joe in his little one bedroom apartment and I was being stalked by his psycho ex girlfriend. That whole town was seriously effed up though. Seriously. He was such a wonderful man, my uncle. He always smelled of tobacco and grass to me. I wish I'd have kept in touch with that part of my family better.
Again, I didn't get to go to this funeral either. This time it was due to having a sick baby and a sick big kid.

Thus began a crazy whirlwind of injuries and illness in the family.

Cole punctured his ear drum with a q-tip.
Haevyn developed a fever from her shots and became incredible irritable for three days.
Cole got a cold that shot his fever up.
Cole had a virus of the same strain as shingles erupt in his mouth after a trip to the dentist leaving him terrified of dental work all together. This took several ER/Urgent Care visits as well as going back to the dentist and his regular doctors office to get it taken care of. He was in more pain than I've ever seen him in and it tore me up.
Mehkaelie has tummy troubles.
Cole has tummy troubles.
Joe has tummy troubles.
Cole has tummy troubles again, worse.
Mehkaelie has an ear infection.
Haevyn has another reaction to her shots and has a fever as well as super sore, red, bumpy legs and is not happy about it.
Mehkaelie needs to see an ENT to determine if she needs to get her tonsils out. Appointment pending.
Cole gets the flu. This is tonight.

All of these things, excluding the last two, are things that lasted at least 3 days. Minimum.

I'M EXHAUSTED.

And, just because I'm feeling like the pity train isn't ready to come to a full stop yet..

The school scheduled the first fundraiser of the year the same week as fall pictures. They're selling cookies for $16/tub when I could make better cookies, or store bought even, for $3. But it's to support the school and the kids get rewarded for doing it blah blah blah so I will buy some. But I won't be happy about it. I rarely buy Fall pictures anyway because for one their prices are just ridiculous, I take better pictures than they do, and they don't give you a preview of the pictures before you buy them so even if they aren't great, you still have to frame them and own the fact that you just wasted $70 on pictures of your kids half smiling, half blinking, and maybe drooling. Between the pictures and the fundraiser it's easy to blow $100 that I just don't have to blow right now.

Joe's overtime hours were cut at work completely.
This is fine, we will make it work, it'll just be tight.
Oh, but wait, Haevyn needs a new car seat because she's about to hit the limit for her infant carrier.
She also needs a high chair since she's going to be eating with momma and momma doesn't want to wear her food anymore than she already does.
And the weather has taken a turn (for the better, in my opinion) but it's gotten rather cold out and hey, surprise, the kids don't have any clothes from last year that still fit. So, Cole went to school in long sleeves, shorts, a rain coat, and (this was his choice) velcro sandals. Fashion Statements R Us anyone?

Ah, well. We all have our troubles, we all have our struggles, and again, those people that say those things, they say, "God will never give you more than you can handle" .. I'm just curious how strong he thinks I am. I think he's overestimating me. I know me, this is a bit much. It wouldn't be so bad if my kids would stop getting sick and hurt, though. I hate feeling helpless where they're concerned.

I know most parents say, "I wish it was me and not you..." but honestly, we'd be in way worse shape if I was getting hurt and sick as much as they are. I don't want them to be hurt and sick and I don't want me to be, either. So let's just leave it at that.

Alright, tunnel approaching. Going to close my eyes and rest my head and hope that when we come through the other side things will get brighter, healthier and happier.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Little Letters


Dear Facebook App on my phone,
You. Thoroughly. Suck. Fix yourself!

Dear Chores,
Do yourself!

Dear Fall,
Please arrive soon for real and stay around a while!

Dear Winter,
We missed you last year, feel free to visit this year! A white Christmas would be great!!

Speaking of ..

Dear Christmas,
Feel free taking your time getting here.


Dear Cole,
HAHAHAHAHAHA. *ahem* Sorry about that. Sorry son, not happening. You're 7. Ask again when you're a teenager. And maybe space it out a bit .. you know, birthday, Christmas, guilt gift, etc. I love you!


Dear Mehkaelie,
I love you, but if you don't quit with this silly "catch-phrase" nonsense you've come up with, you're going to drive me crazy! KNOCK IT OFF! Thanks so much.

Dear Joe,
I know it seems morbid, but my making lists of important information is for your benefit, I promise. You're a wonderful dad and husband, but you are going to need my lists if anything were to happen to me, I promise that as well! Love ya!

Dear Haevyn,
Thank you for letting me sleep until 6am the past few days, you don't know how much that means to mommy. <3 I love you baby girl. Oh, one other thing. You're not a puppy, please stop licking everyone.


Dear Stormi,
I miss you so much. My kids miss you, too. I was telling Mehkie the other day about how you used to call her "pork chop" and even tried to say it the same way you used to, "poke-chop", she loved it. I told her how you were the one to come up with her nickname, Mehkie, so that Briauna would be able to call her something other than "hey".. I was showing Cole some pictures of you the first time you met him. Do you remember? You were going through a weird phase.. lol But you loved on him and kissed on him and I nearly had to break your arms to get him back! I wish we'd have stayed close like that. Geographically and emotionally. I know our lives took us in different directions but I'm glad we stayed close, even if it was electronically. I love you so much. I hope you're partying with the angels. xoxo



Love,
Tasia

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Book Review - InSight by Polly Iyer

A book that would take a typical non-parent reader maybe 8 non-consecutive hours to get through takes me roughly 16-20. With three kids and a husband seeming to always be needing something, it's hard to find time to read around here! And this was one book I did not want to put down!!



InSight, written by Polly Iyer, is an exciting book about Dr. Abigael Gallant, a blind psychologist. Abby, as she likes to be called, wasn't always blind. She was married once, to an exciting, wonderful artist named Stewart and together they had a daughter, Macy. Everything went horribly wrong, though, when Stewart started developing schizophrenic tendencies and ended up shooting his daughter, his wife, and himself. Macy died but Abby didn't. She was, instead, left forever in the dark. She finished school to become a psychologist and began helping others with disabilities. That's where she met Detective Luke McCallister.

Abby was certainly not looking for a man in her life, in fact, she enjoyed her quiet life of audio books, running with a guide at a track and spending time with her guide dog, Daisy, as well as her eccentric, now-on-the-wagon mother, Lucy. Luke is mandated to seek therapy after an on-the-job accident left him deaf. The police force sees him as a liability and, he feels, are looking for a reason to "sack" him. With all of his anger and hostility he holds inside from the accident, he knows without help, they will do just that.

When Luke first meets Dr. Abigael Gallant he is less than impressed. He quickly learns, however, that Abby isn't like other people. She's honest, straight forward, and she understands. He feels that she sees deeper into him than anyone he's ever known. As his attraction for her grows, she determines that their relationship as doctor-patient has to be terminated so as not to tip her ethical boundaries with her work. She refers him to another psychologist and they intend to not let anything happen until his review is finalized.

Abby and Luke begin learning more and more about each other and while the match isn't ideal, "the deaf leading the blind", they both find something in each other that they never thought they would be able to. Warmth, understanding, and love.

Abby's world is shaken when she begins to receive threatening phone calls, emails, and worse, visits to her home. She has been independent since the horrible happenings eight years ago and finds it difficult to accept help, even when necessary, especially from Luke. But Luke perseveres and makes Abby see reason. He and his police partner work together trying to figure out who is tormenting Abby and begin to uncover things that seem impossible.

When Abby is kidnapped, Luke realizes the depth of his love for Abby. He knows that he cannot lose her and he will do anything to get her back.

Abby discovers her former husband, the man who killed her daughter and tried to kill her, was as much a victim as she was. More discoveries are made as to why her husband did what he did all those years ago, why someone is tormenting her now, and just what exactly they want from her. And who "they" are.

This book definitely kept me engrossed. Like I said, I did not want to put it down! I'm glad to have it in my Kindle collection because I do foresee reading it again. And again. And maybe one more time.

Friday, September 7, 2012

[Over] Protecting Our Children

There's a family that live up the street from me with several small children. At any given time of the day (or night) there are a number of said children running up and down the streets, often barefoot, or riding their bikes together. Numerous times, when it's coming up on midnight and these littles are still out and about, sans parents, I've considered calling child protective services to come out and deal with the situation. Generally, just as I have the thought, someone hollers and the kids head back home.

These aren't the only children that live in the neighborhood, though. In fact, there are quite a few around here. Including my three. I often see kids from different families out playing in the neighborhood or in someones yard together. Sometimes there are adults around, sometimes not. I mention the first family simply to let you know of an example of some people, even in my own neighborhood, leaving the "leash" a bit too loose on their children. In my opinion.

A conversation was brought up in a mommy group that I am a part of today about this very topic. A momma was curious as to how others felt about her reaction to a situation. Did they think she was being over protective? There were mixed answers, as there always are in groups such as that, but a few comments really rubbed me the wrong way.

Personally, I do not believe that raising our children cautiously is going to cause them to grow up naive and vulnerable. Nor do I believe that it's prohibiting them from growing. Yes, there comes a time in every parents life when they are going to have to release their child's hand and let them go, grow, and make mistakes on their own, letting them know that we are still there to help them figure things out when they're ready to ask for our help. But who says that has to be before their teen years? Or later even, if that's the parent's choice? What makes you think my daughter who is not allowed to go ANYWHERE by herself is going to grow up "worse off" than your daughter who is allowed to go several places by herself? Do you feel that you're teaching your child independence and I'm not doing the same?

My children are taught that there are in fact bad people in the world and that bad things do happen to good people, and to children, for seemingly no reason. I want them knowledgeable before I release them into the world. I don't want them to have to figure certain things out first hand. I'd rather they had foresight into situations that could arise so they can be prepared for them. I would also like to feel that they had the mental and emotional maturity to handle such situations.

I suppose it comes down to what it always comes down to. You raise your kids, and let me raise mine. I may not agree with your methods as you may not mine, but we all just have to do the best we can and hope and pray they don't turn out to be little psychopaths later on.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

What to Expect When You're Expecting - The Movie

Ok, I admit it. I never bought one of these books during any of my pregnancies. I was never gifted one, either. I also never borrowed one from the library or from another friend. Bottom line, I've never cracked one of these bad girls open and read even a sentence one out of it.
Blasphemy, right? This is supposed to be the "go to" book for pregnant women! What is wrong with me?!

Honestly? Well, with my first, I had NO idea what I was doing. Hell, I was only sixteen. I didn't even know people wrote books about pregnancy. As far as I was concerned, if it was pertinent information, my doctor would tell me about it. And, hey, I survived pregnancy number one unscathed..or at least as unscathed as one can be from a pregnancy.
With baby number two I was a couple years into motherhood now and had heard of this so called "pregnancy bible" but figured anything that I needed to know would, again, be given to me by my doctor, or found on the internet. I joined my first Due Date Club online and between all of the "BTDT" (Been There Done That) moms and information I was finding online, I didn't feel it was necessary to add a book to my collection that would only be useful for the next couple of months. This was to be my last baby anyway.
Hah. Not so much. But along with baby number three came the realization that a book was not going to be able to tell me anything that I didn't already know or hadn't already experienced. I relied on myself to know when something was wrong, to know what I should do about certain things, and hey, if all else failed, there was always the internet.

So when I first heard about this movie sometime last summer, I thought, "How silly.. They're making a movie based on a book about pregnancy? What are they going to do? Walk people through the stages and phases and end with a huge gross-out showing of some lady giving birth?"

Boy, was I wrong.

An advertisement for the movie was slipped into something else I was seeing and before they got to the name of the movie, I was already laughing and clapping and proclaiming, "I have to see this!!"

Today I finally got around to watching it and I must say, it was phenomenal! Funny, sweet, heart breaking and funny some more. It was very well rounded as far as how women handle pregnancy differently. It also gave us a glimpse of how dads handle pregnancy as well as children. It touched on everything from unplanned pregnancies to couples trying to conceive. Also miscarriage, infertility, adoption, vaginal and Caesarean deliveries. Young couples and older couples. The unpleasant side of pregnancy as well as the beautiful side.

Overall it was just a wonderful watch. I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to seeing it again.

**In my opinion, NOT a kid friendly movie.**
*Definitely a husband friendly movie, if you can get him to watch.*

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Wordy Wednesday



Oh yes. I have already begun Christmas shopping! Take that, every other year before! I will not wait until December to do my shopping this year - I am master of my destiny, I am Queen of my castle, I am sleep deprived and probably making little sense right now.

Carry on.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Six Months

You read it correctly. My itty-bitty is 6 months old today. This time, six months ago, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was so tiny. My smallest baby, by far, at only 6 pounds 6 ounces. I couldn't believe how tiny she was. I was terrified. I was used to my 8+ pound babies and here she was, a good 2 pounds smaller. I thought I would surely break her somehow. I kept checking her fingers and toes, her eyes, ears, nose, belly, bottom, the works. I wanted to make sure everything was accounted for, in the right spot, and working as it should. And it was. And she was perfect.

I can't imagine now how I thought I was done having babies after Cole was born. Haevyn has truly been a blessing and has made this family more complete than I thought. Funny how that works, eh?

She is currently asleep on my chest as I type this up, I still can't stop kissing her little cheeks, watching and listening to her breathe .. and I still count her fingers and toes, just in case.


Thursday, August 30, 2012

Getting Involved

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be one of those helicopter moms. I'm sorry, but I did. Do. I want to know what's going on with my kids at every moment, I want to know that they're OK, that they're safe, that they're feeling confident and that they succeed.

Ok, so reality slapped me in the face, like it does, and I realized that hovering over their every move and feeling their every breath on my cheek was not going to work out quite like I'd originally thought. In fact, I've come to realize that it actually does more harm than good in the long run. Oops. So what is a mother to do? Give them space. Not a lot, just.. enough. Let them mess up and let them know that you're there for them when they do. Remind them constantly that life is full of mess-ups and that's how we learn. That's how they learn. It doesn't hurt to tell them that you also mess up from time to time. Knowing their mommy isn't perfect sure does wonders for their self esteem!

Stay involved, though. With everything. Ask them how their day was and don't let them get off with "it was fine" or "same ol' same ol'". Ask for details. Get them in the habit of throwing out a daily run-through with you. It's good for the both of you and a lot of times there are things they would have forgotten to mention otherwise. ;) Keep in touch with their teachers, let them know that they can come to you with any questions they have about your child and let them know that you are available if your child needs you while they're at school and you're at home or work or wherever you may be. Their knowing they can reach out to you, even when you're not there, makes a huge, huge difference in things. It also helps keep down the naughty behavior, knowing mommy is just a phone call away!

Don't be afraid to intervene. This is important. I see a lot of moms and dads that want to "let them deal with it". Well, that's all good and well if they're 18+ years old. But younger than that and they don't know how to deal with things appropriately. Did you? Maybe sometimes, and sometimes they will, too. But don't let things escalate to the point that things become out of control. Once you've lost control it's a son-of-a-bitch to get it back.

Now, I'm not going to be winning any Mother of the Year awards any time soon, I'm sure of it! But, to me, these things are common sense and just things we all, even myself, forget from time to time.

Oh, one more thing. Hug them, kiss them, tell them you love them every.single.day. More than once a day, even!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

So, spanking is the answer?

Rant.

I am getting so sick of all of these "When I was growing up my parents spanked me.." yada yada about how they grew up "just fine" and there was no damage done, etc. Then in the same breath they talk about how people could go out at night and leave their houses unlocked and let their kids play outside and this that and the other. Well, so far as I can tell that didn't seem to do anyone a whole lot of good did it? Now days there is so much crime our prisons are insanely overpopulated. Our kids can't go out and play with their friends without us parents watching them for fear that they're going to get kidnapped or hit by a drunk driver or ten million other things. We can't go anywhere and leave the house (or car for that matter) unlocked because of the probability that it's going to get broken in to.

It really seems that "spanking" worked out well, huh?

Us non-spanking parents haven't been parenting long enough to have caused all of these crazies. Our children are still young and growing and learning. It's still yet to be seen how this generation will turn out but by all means, please tell me again how great it was growing up and getting spankings for our wrong doings and remind me how things used to be. Then let me again remind you how things are now and you can tell me how they got it right.

Looking up statistics on things like kidnapping, homicide, rape, and other violent crimes it's amazing to me how much higher these things are now than they were in the 50s or the 80s... and now "we kids these days" are responsible? I'm sorry, I don't think it works that way. You can't condone how your parents raised you and our parents raised us and say they/you did a good job when crime rates are this incredible. Maybe if more parents didn't take violent action so often things would be different. But, I digress on that because there's no way to know. Maybe the next generation will show a new trend, though, because of those of us who choose to teach rather than hit. We can only hope. Because clearly "how it used to be" isn't working out so well for any of us now.

End Rant.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Growing Up Without a Mother

I was raised by my dad. A wonderful man with every quality a mother or a father should have. He was kind and gentle but also stern when needed. He taught us responsibility, respect, and most importantly, love. He was the most loving father I knew! And I knew quite a few fathers. My dad always kissed us, hugged us, and told us he loved us. Always. More than a handful of times every single day. In front of friends or strangers in a grocery store, it didn't matter. If the wind blew he was letting us know that he loved us. And I loved it. I never grew up thinking I was supposed to be embarrassed by him for showing his affection like some people did. To me, it was natural. He is the best.

But there were always times when I'd wonder what it would be like to have a mom. Dad would never speak ill of her, he would never tell us "horror stories" or anything, really. He'd just tell us that she was sick and he'd ask us to pray for her. He didn't force us to, but when we were little and he taught us our bedtime prayers, he'd sneak it in there. As we grew older and started realizing it, he didn't stop us if we omitted her from our prayer or adding to it. We'd ask questions of course but it wasn't something he liked to discuss with us. It wasn't until I started keeping in close contact with my sister, Stormi, that I found out why our mother wasn't around. There were a lot more things I came to find out in the years that followed.

I won't get into that here, though.

The earliest memory I have of my mother is from when I was very young. My dad, brother and I had driven up to visit her with the stipulation from my father that she be sober. While we were there we went for a walk, I'm not sure where, but there was a creek or some sort of water flowing that we walked through. She had a styrofoam cup and I'd asked her if I could have a drink. She told me I couldn't because it was "big peoples drink". My dad took my hand and we left.

I think about that a lot.

I often look at my three beautiful children and wonder if things would have turned out differently had she been a part of my life. Whether a rocky part or a stable one, either or. I don't know. What I do know is that my children will never have to wonder about me. I will be here for them as long as I can and with any luck that will be long enough to at least see my grandbabies (or maybe even great grandbabies;) )!

I had a lot of friends that had amazing moms that "took me in" when I was around and let me get a glimpse of what it was like to have a mom. It was because of my dad and those moms that I knew what kind of mom I wanted to be when I grew up.

I may never have had the opportunity to grow up with a mom and any interaction I've had with her since was not my idea of good, but thanks to her absence I know what kind of mom I don't want to be. It also made my bond that much stronger with my daddy. It taught me to rely on myself and be careful with my heart. Most importantly, it taught me to cherish my children. To always do my best for them and for me and my family, to never give up and never let life get the better of me. To stay strong and keep my head up.

When life gives you lemons.... Make lemon pops with your kids :)

Monday, July 30, 2012

The births of my children.

Perhaps it's the fact that my son just had a birthday, my oldest daughters is coming up within a few weeks, and my youngest daughters 5 month birthday is coming up in a few days .. but I've been thinking about the difference in their births a lot lately.

Mehkaelie - Induced due to pre-eclampsia. Entire process lasted 30 hours. Water broke on its own. Given opiates for pain and later a spinal block. Pushed for roughly 20 minutes.

Cole - Water broke at home the day before I was schedule for an induction due to pre-eclampsia. Entire process lasted 13 hours. Was given a choice between getting an epidural or opiates due to my blood pressure, opted for the epidural, it failed completely. Actively tried to not push and he came out anyway.

Haevyn - Induced due to pre-eclampsia. Entire process 9 hours. Water broken by doctor. Requested epidural, worked to perfection. Again, actively tried to not push and my body forced her out anyway.

Overall, the most painful birth experience was with Mehkaelie. My oldest. My first baby. Given countless doses of opiates that did nothing but make me dizzy, sick and extremely irritable instead of an epidural, which I'd requested the moment I entered the hospital. Once given the spinal block, however, I became unconscious before I laid back in the bed and didn't wake up for the hour and a half before she was born.

The most pleasant birth experience was with Haevyn. My last baby. The epidural was like nothing I'd ever felt. There was absolutely no pain at all, I could still move my legs at will, as well as the rest of my body, and it really made the entire process so much sweeter.

But, the most satisfying birth experience was with my son, Cole. My middle born child. Having had a failed epidural and no other drug interventions I rocked the damn near natural labor and delivery process. I felt as if I would die when he was coming out, but once he was in my arms I was in such shock that I'd done it, and that he was a BOY, that all the pain faded away into the background. Until, that is, they started stitching me up. Then I wanted to kick the guy in the face.

Every one of my experiences were vastly different from one another and yet, I don't know that I could say there was a "favorite" or one I'd "do again" if I were to have more children. I really thought I'd want to go au'natural with Haevyn like I had with Cole but after thinking about it and realizing this was my last baby, I figured I'd go out in comfort.

I'm so glad to have had the pleasure of all of these experiences and look forward to when my daughters and daughter-in-law go through them. With any luck, I'll get to be there for all of them, just like my dad was for all of mine.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I Am A Mommy

From the top of my head to the tips of my toes and everywhere in between .. I am a mommy.

My children love to play with, or rather tangle, my brown, curly hair and I love to let them.

While headaches are par for the course in parenting, the knowledge that I am theirs and they are mine makes it more than worth it.

Watching my children grow and seeing them interact with the world around them as well as each other fills my heart with such joy and pride. Being able to raise an eyebrow and squint my eyes "just so" and convey my displeasure for their behavior without speaking a word or letting my eyes pop open in surprise and excitement when they "surprise" me with something they've hand crafted out of 40 sheets of paper and 2 pounds of glue is something I wouldn't give up for the world.

Rubbing our noses together to give "eskimo kisses" and seeing them laugh when they play "what's that smell" and it happens to make my nose scrunch up because it's such an awful odor is something I cherish, bad smells and all.

Kissing them daily, having the special ability to make owwies all better, being able to tell them how much I love them every single day, laughing and smiling with them, singing songs with them and teaching them are just some of my favorite things.

I will carry the weight of their problems on my shoulders until they're ready to handle them on their own.

Being able to hug and hold them, snuggle and keep them warm fill my days with just as much happiness as they do theirs.

Holding their hands in mine, wiping the tears from their faces and lending them a hand whenever they need one are things I always hope to do for them.

Holding so much love in my heart that some days it doesn't feel like there's enough room is one of the most wonderful feelings I've ever been blessed with.

Being given the amazing chance to provide nourishment to all three of my children with my body has been indescribable.

While I may have extra inches around the waist and my stomach is definitely not as flat as I might like it to be, I earned my "stripes" that are on my body by carrying my three beautiful children inside of me and falling in love with them more and more as my belly grew larger and larger.

Being able to run and jump and chase my kids around, or run away from them from time to time when they turn the tables on me helps keep me, and them, active and having fun together.

With everything that I am physically, emotionally, and any other way you can be .. I am a mommy. And I love it.

Monday, July 9, 2012

And it's only 10am

I was awakened this morning by my son, Cole, whispering loudly in my ear asking to play the computer. Aside from the heart palpitations this caused, I jumped when he woke me up and my head banged into his. His hysterics woke up the baby, who decided to fill her diaper extremely loudly. This seemed to cause the pain in Cole's head to disappear as he began laughing so hard he fell on the bed, onto my leg that was in an awkward position causing incredible pain to shoot through my leg and ankle making me cry out, scaring both him and the baby. Now we're all sitting on my bed crying; Me in pain, Cole fearing he's in trouble, Haevyn just not sure why everyone's being so loud while she's sleeping and why she's in a poopy diaper. I get up, change the baby, Cole logs into the computer. Haevyn starts laughing while I'm changing her and not thinking anything of it, I just keep doing what I do in the normal way.. up until she decides to start peeing on me and continues laughing about it. I clean her up, the bassinet up, the floor up and then, finally, myself. I realize I have to pee, so I put the baby in the middle of my bed and ask Cole to keep an eye on her for a quick second so I can run to the restroom. He agrees, snuggling up in the bed beside her. As I'm finishing up in the bathroom I realize we're completely out of hand soap and instead of soap being in the dispenser, there's just water. I grab the hand sanitizer and call it good for now, I can pick some soap up later. As I get back to the bedroom Cole is telling me to "Quick mom! Take a picture!" not realizing that nothing quick is going to come from this mom this morning. I find the camera, find the memory card, take a picture. Baby starts crying, Cole doesn't want to be near her now, but stops to sniff her before he gets up. He informs me she does NOT smell delightful. I change the baby again, walk with her into the next room and stub my toe on the step into the living room. I turn and hop trying to keep hold of the baby while running into the wall with my left arm, snagging my skin on something unseen. Mommy injuries up to this point: bleeding arm, searing pain in toe, weird cramp feeling in leg and ankle. I put the baby in her bouncer and back up into the table, banging my tailbone against the corner. It feels like I've just sat on a belt buckle. I kick Cole off the computer and sit down at it to start flipping through e-mails, Facebook, my calendar for today and browse Yahoo news. I get so far as opening Chrome and Haevyn starts fussing. Go get her, bring her in here with me, bounce her on my knee while one handing the mouse and keyboard. Spit up all down my arm. Get up to clean the baby up and oldest daughter, Mehkaelie, comes out of her room frantic asking, "What time is it?!" .. I glance at a clock and answer, "8:30". She bursts into tears. She's missing a movie she wanted to watch this morning on the TV. Cole tries to say something to her and she snaps at him. I tell her to stop sniping at him, it's not his fault she over slept and she needs to chill out or go back to bed until she can calm down. This causes her to cry more and sit down on the couch to pout about it. By this point I've completely forgotten what I was doing with the baby so I sit her down in her bassinet and get a whiff of baby spit up. Ew. That's what I was doing. I clean the baby off, clean myself off, trip over the baby's clothes basket and remember I was supposed to put her clothes away last night. I start pulling them out and they're still wet. Mehkaelie puts them back in the dryer for me. Sit back down at the computer, Haevyn starts fussing. Get her, bring her to the living room to her swing, Cole's hungry. Make breakfast, burn my thumb. Eat breakfast, burn my tongue. Get a drink, run out of tea. Finally get to sit down and check my email. Reply to a few things in e-mail and FB, check my calendar, see Mehkie at the my door holding Haevyn. Cole comes out of the bathroom telling me we're out of soap and the toilet won't flush, the water is just going up instead of down. Unclog the toilet, clean the toilet, wash my hands sans soap, use more sanitizer. I really need to go to the store. Baby fusses, feed her, get her laid down for a nap, look at the clock, 10am. This is going to be a long day.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Lately

I haven't updated in a while.. but a lot has happened.

My sister, Stormi, passed away on April 26 due to heart failure. She was only 27 years old. I didn't have the pleasure of growing up with my sister. She and I didn't get the chance to know each other until we were teenagers. We hit it off instantly, though and became great friends. She ended up being one of my best friends. She was one of my closest confidants and I definitely feel her missing from my life now. It's been only a month but I still half expect her to message me on Facebook, send me a text or just give me a call. I've still not met her youngest and she will never be able to meet mine, either. My sister and I differed greatly on many, many, MANY things. From music and movies to appearances to men to parenting and everything in between.. On the surface, you wouldn't think we'd have been able to get along as well as we did. Especially since we really had so little in common, generally speaking. We laughed about that a lot. Having grown up apart, not having had the opportunity to get to know each other as children, didn't seem much of a barrier for us. When it came down to it, she was my sister. She could piss me off like no other and she could make me laugh harder than anyone I know. I miss her so, so much.

I also discovered that my daddy, whom I've always been incredibly close with (a "daddy's girl" is a reference I've become quite endeared to over the years), has been battling problems of his own. He's prone to kidney stones but not your common "it will hurt like hell but it will pass" kidney stones. His become so large that there's no way for them to pass through and require surgery. He developed one of these bad boys and while that in itself isn't enough to send me snatching up the Kleenex, finding out that only 40% of his heart is functioning and his lungs are enlarged, did. And still do. He's currently working with several doctors to figure out what they're going to do about it. We know he's going to be having heart surgery, the when is what's still up in the air. He can't have heart surgery until everything with his kidney is taken care of but the urologist is dragging his heels because he's already had to go "in" twice now. Add to it the other risk factors my daddy has and it's just a big scary mess. He of course tries to assure me that everything's fine but he's my daddy and I'm not going to stop worrying until he's completely out of the woods, after all the surgeries are over and he's hugging me and the kids again.

An "online friend" of mine passed away on May 13, Mother's Day. She and I met via the message board that I joined during my pregnancy with Haevyn. We became Facebook friends and exchanged the odd comment/like, post, etc. We weren't what I would consider close, but she definitely made an impression. When our pregnancy group first began, we had a lot of drama going on. I had made comments here and there on my Facebook page about it and she would always comment and occasionally we would butt heads because of it. We ended up talking several times via private messages on Facebook and while we never exchanged phone numbers or became any closer than those private messages, I was still extremely saddened to find out about her passing. Especially since she had just had a precious baby boy a few weeks earlier. She had two other little guys as well, all of them younger than my kids even. My heart was so broken for her family, especially the little guys she left behind. This coming on the heels of my sisters passing just seemed so unfair..

I've tried keeping my cool, putting on a happy face, and trying to take it one day at a time but there for a while I honestly felt like I was going to shatter if the wind blew too hard. Lucky for me, my kids "love me with forever glue" and that seems to be keeping me together nicely.

Haevyn is growing, as babies do. She's beautiful, healthy and just so amazing. I can't help but stare at her in awe and feel my heart filling even more with love for her. Her perfection astounds me. I feel so lucky to have been given the chance to be her mommy.

Cole is still my little character. He still makes me laugh and has no idea how funny he is. Watching him interact with his sisters is always a site to behold. He has so much love and compassion for all of us, his family, that I have no doubt that his life will continue to be full of love and happiness as he continues to grow.

Mehkaelie .. my first born .. She's turning 10 this year and while that scares me to death it also brings tears of joy to my eyes. I have a bond with her that I never knew was possible to have. She is always so literal and always over-thinking things .. I'm worried she's missing out on all the fun she should be having. She has no problem having fun, don't get me wrong, but it takes her some time to get there. She's becoming such a brilliant young lady and she is so much help to me with the other two as well as around the house and just being there when I need a movie buddy or a hug.

My kids .. they really are everything to me. They are the reason I get up, the reason I smile and overall the reason I function at all, really. Even with all the bad that has happened, and is happening around us, they remind me how good life is and how precious every moment is.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Shower Power .. and Other Randomness

One of my favorite things about babies (under the age of 18 months) is bath time. Some love it, some hate it, but they always have the best facial expressions during bath time. Plus, as an added bonus, they smell SO good after they're clean! I've always been a fan of co-showers with my kids. Snuggling them, skin on skin, getting to have a few minutes to ourselves splashing in water getting nice and clean .. it's just the best. Haevyn and I had our first shower together last night and if it weren't for the water getting cold (I had been in for a while before I had daddy bring her to me, oops) we'd have stayed in until we were both prunes! It's definitely bittersweet to think of her being the last one I'll do that with.

In other news.. This week is Mehkaelie's class field trip to the Oklahoma City Zoo. I was absolutely in tears a few weeks ago when we were discussing field trips coming up. The schools policy the last few years has been that no parent that comes as a sponsor is allowed to bring younger siblings (or anyone not enrolled in the class) on the field trip.. The mentality being that if you're paying attention to a toddler your focus isn't on the group you're there to supervise. While I understand and yes, even agree, it was extremely frustrating to think I wouldn't be allowed to go. I've gone to every field trip every year with both kids and was devastated to think I wouldn't be allowed to go this year because I had Haevyn and no one to watch her. As luck would have it, though, they have now revised the rules! Now as long as you sign up you're allowed to come and stay with the group your child is in, not as a sponsor! So, Haevyn and I are zoo bound with Mehkaelie and her class this Thursday! I'm so excited about going .. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we're getting out of the house to go somewhere other than Walmart! Hah!

Cole's class field trip is next month and they're going to the science museum!! I absolutely cannot miss that! I think that's going to be a blast, I hope they have the same rules for it as they are doing for this one, otherwise I may just have to talk to the teacher and explain I am going to plan a trip that day as well and perhaps follow them around like a crazy person with a stroller. No biggie.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Suck on it!

It hit me when she was just a few days old.. Haevyn was a comfort sucker. Ow. Cole was a comfort sucker as well but Mehkaelie was such a well behaved toddler (that only ate toddler foods that more often than not I prepared all at once and just stuck in the fridge for later) that it wasn't too big of a deal if he wanted to sit and suckle for a good half hour or more before I was able to get up and do anything. Now, however, the older two are quite demanding on my attention not to mention the housework and what have you.. So, alas, I thought I would turn to the all mighty pacifier. The hitch? Haevyn disagreed. She decided she would not in fact suck on rubber. I tried again and again offering the same one and when it became clear she wasn't going to take it, I bought a new one. No luck. So, I bought two more. Again, no luck. So, I did what you'd expect .. I bought another one. After talking to other mothers and taking their recommendations, as well as my own fathers advice, I bought two more. Yes, that's right. There are at least six models of pacifiers out there, people. I know. I have them.. and Haevyn refuses to take any of them! I've tried squirting breast milk on them to get her to suck on them, even! Desperate? Maybe.. No matter, though. It didn't work anyway.


 We'll call this exhibit A.

Well after all of this I'm officially throwing in the binky towel. I didn't initially want her to have one at all so I suppose this is some cosmic way of letting me have my way, even if I did try to change my mind. So ... I'll be grateful later. Moving on.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

As I write this at 3:30a.m...

My sweet new baby girl is currently dozing off at the breast while my other two not-so-new-anymore babies are sleeping soundly awaiting morning so that they can tear into their Easter baskets and probably start a fight over who's eggs have the best goodies. I haven't been to sleep yet and I know tomorrow will arrive and I'll kick myself, but sitting here in bed, propped up on pillows, watching my baby and thinking about my other two beautiful children I can't help but be reminded of how lucky I am. Things get hard from time to time, sometimes they down right suck..but knowing I have three amazing children that love me and that I love more than anything gives me the strength to get through whatever life throws at me.

Alright, we can end the sappy moment now. I should get to bed anyhow. I'll have a fight to referee first thing in the morning after all.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Introducing...

Haevyn Adalie Donaldson!

First, the really good stuff. Pictures!!







And the story behind them:

Short, sweet and to the point version:

Wednesday, February 29
-37w prenatal appointment; GBS test, discuss induction date
-BP very high, admitted for observation and lab work over night.

Thursday, March 1
-Blood work all came back "high normal" except one test which came back just over. Not enough to induce labor yet. Waiting on 24 hour urine test to complete and get results. Looking to go home!
-6p Urine test came back with protein levels over 5400. Yikes! Was going to be able to go home as long as they were under 3k. Not happening. Admitted for induction.
-6:30p Cytotec inserted
-7p Started on antibiotics for GBS since we weren't able to get around to getting that test done. Have to receive antibiotic every 4 hours until delivery.
-9p Contractions started, very irregular

Friday, March 2
-12a Contractions getting stronger and slightly more regular
-6a Pitocin started
-Contractions a whole lot more regular and a whole lot stronger
-9:05 Doctor broke my bag of waters
-9:30 Anesthesiologist comes in to give me epidural
-12p Started having some epidural side effects, unpleasant but nothing major.
-1:40p Cervix checked, progressed to a 4
-2p Lots of pressure, called nurse
-2:08 Happy Birthday Haevyn Adalie! 6 pounds 6 ounces, 19 inches of pure, sweet perfection!


The long, commentated version:

Wednesday morning I was scheduled for my 37 week appointment. We were going to do my GBS test and talk about how much longer the doctor felt was safe for me to remain pregnant. Upon arrival, I had the usual annoying tasks performed; pee in a cup, get weighed, check my blood pressure. Oops. My diastolic number was 101. Dr. Beeson told me to go ahead and run home and grab a few things and make arrangements for my other two kids because I was staying the night for observation and lab work. Oh joy. Honestly, I thought I'd be home the next day and put on bed rest. All the tests they ran on my blood work came back elevated, but still in the "high normal" range except one that was in the "just over high normal" range. This was not enough to keep me for delivery! My bp seemed to have leveled itself off as well, it was staying well within normal range. All signs were pointing to getting to go home and give Haevyn at least the rest of the week through the weekend to come on her own. We were just waiting for my final test to be complete, the 24 hour urine test. The doc said high levels of protein in the 1K range wasn't good, but, since mine have been high all pregnancy, she'd allow them to be under 3K and still get to go home. Mine came back at 5400. She didn't even believe the nurse when they called to tell her.. she logged in to check the lab results herself! Well darn. The nurse came in to tell me I would be staying the night, starting some meds and having a baby the next day. I took a shower, ordered some dinner, visited with the kids, Joe, my mother and father in law and called my dad to let him know what was going on. Once everyone had left the nurse came back in and we got started with the Cytotec. It didn't take long for it to start working and that started me having some contractions. Small ones, but contractions never the less. Since I wasn't able to get my GBS test done, they went ahead and started me on the antibiotics as a precaution. It was given every 4 hours. (TMI: It makes your pee smell HORRID! Like a bucket full of stale pee sitting out in the heat. Yes, that bad. GAG!) By midnight my contractions were really starting to pick up in intensity but not regularity. Friday morning the nurse came in at 6 and started the Pitocin drip. This made my contractions extremely regular and extremely painful. They were coming right on top of each other and I was seriously reconsidering asking for an epidural this time! By the time the doc came in to check on me at 9, I had decided I would love an epidural. She broke my water at 9:05 and the epidural was in place by 10. Longest 55 minutes ever. The pain of the contractions were the worst I recall from any of my labors, not to mention feeling the anesthesiologist putting the epidural in place was awful. Once the epidural was in I was glad to know it was working! I couldn't feel any pain anymore but still had excellent movement of my legs, feet, and entire self in general. The contractions felt kind of interesting after that but none were painful! So forth went the day. By about noon I started having some epidural side effects. Ick. Along with everything progressing a whole lot faster, I ended up getting sick for the first time ever during labor. That was no fun. At 1:40 I was checked again and had finally made it past 2 and onto 4. By 2, I had a ton of pressure and knew it was going to be soon! At 2:08pm, miss Haevyn Adalie came slip sliding into the world weighing 6 pounds 6 ounces and measuring 19 inches long! My tiniest baby ever!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Little Letters

Oh, the morning I've had! It's enough to make me want to scream; And in fact, I just may.

Dear Haevyn,
I cannot wait to see you, kiss you, snuggle you, and see you with your brother and sister. We are all so in love with you already.

Dear weather,
What the hell? Take your meds.

Dear Husband,
I understand that you got in late from work and stayed up even later, not going to bed until the wee hours of the morning, but when I call you, it would be awesome if you could wake up and answer the phone.

Dear inner thighs,
OW!

Dear hubby's friend that sold us the car,
Thanks for selling us a car with issues. That's super.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

And, cut.

Alright, I've determined this 365 thing isn't going to happen this year, again. I'm not as upset about that as I thought I'd be, though. I knew going into it this was going to be a tough year to try it on with having a baby and all! I am going to try and get back to posting regularly, though. (By regularly I mean at least once a week lol) I think before I dive into trying one of these again, I should at least get back into the habit of posting!

So, that being said .. Thank you for keeping up so far! I hope you'll stick around!

Watch for an update tomorrow, I have my 36w checkup! We'll see how things are progressing and probably find out when miss Haevyn is getting an eviction notice by the dr.

Monday, February 13, 2012

The weekend

41/366 - Mehkaelie's notepad outside of her room.
I love reading the kids' conversations, they're entertaining.
42/366 - Right Foot Yellow! (This is what the kids were
doing to amuse themselves since it was so cold out this weekend!)

I kind of miss writing actual blog posts. I think I'll have to start doing that again sometime. When I remember to. And I'm not too busy to. lol Because you know, I have so much going on these days (note the sarcasm).