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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Lately

I haven't updated in a while.. but a lot has happened.

My sister, Stormi, passed away on April 26 due to heart failure. She was only 27 years old. I didn't have the pleasure of growing up with my sister. She and I didn't get the chance to know each other until we were teenagers. We hit it off instantly, though and became great friends. She ended up being one of my best friends. She was one of my closest confidants and I definitely feel her missing from my life now. It's been only a month but I still half expect her to message me on Facebook, send me a text or just give me a call. I've still not met her youngest and she will never be able to meet mine, either. My sister and I differed greatly on many, many, MANY things. From music and movies to appearances to men to parenting and everything in between.. On the surface, you wouldn't think we'd have been able to get along as well as we did. Especially since we really had so little in common, generally speaking. We laughed about that a lot. Having grown up apart, not having had the opportunity to get to know each other as children, didn't seem much of a barrier for us. When it came down to it, she was my sister. She could piss me off like no other and she could make me laugh harder than anyone I know. I miss her so, so much.

I also discovered that my daddy, whom I've always been incredibly close with (a "daddy's girl" is a reference I've become quite endeared to over the years), has been battling problems of his own. He's prone to kidney stones but not your common "it will hurt like hell but it will pass" kidney stones. His become so large that there's no way for them to pass through and require surgery. He developed one of these bad boys and while that in itself isn't enough to send me snatching up the Kleenex, finding out that only 40% of his heart is functioning and his lungs are enlarged, did. And still do. He's currently working with several doctors to figure out what they're going to do about it. We know he's going to be having heart surgery, the when is what's still up in the air. He can't have heart surgery until everything with his kidney is taken care of but the urologist is dragging his heels because he's already had to go "in" twice now. Add to it the other risk factors my daddy has and it's just a big scary mess. He of course tries to assure me that everything's fine but he's my daddy and I'm not going to stop worrying until he's completely out of the woods, after all the surgeries are over and he's hugging me and the kids again.

An "online friend" of mine passed away on May 13, Mother's Day. She and I met via the message board that I joined during my pregnancy with Haevyn. We became Facebook friends and exchanged the odd comment/like, post, etc. We weren't what I would consider close, but she definitely made an impression. When our pregnancy group first began, we had a lot of drama going on. I had made comments here and there on my Facebook page about it and she would always comment and occasionally we would butt heads because of it. We ended up talking several times via private messages on Facebook and while we never exchanged phone numbers or became any closer than those private messages, I was still extremely saddened to find out about her passing. Especially since she had just had a precious baby boy a few weeks earlier. She had two other little guys as well, all of them younger than my kids even. My heart was so broken for her family, especially the little guys she left behind. This coming on the heels of my sisters passing just seemed so unfair..

I've tried keeping my cool, putting on a happy face, and trying to take it one day at a time but there for a while I honestly felt like I was going to shatter if the wind blew too hard. Lucky for me, my kids "love me with forever glue" and that seems to be keeping me together nicely.

Haevyn is growing, as babies do. She's beautiful, healthy and just so amazing. I can't help but stare at her in awe and feel my heart filling even more with love for her. Her perfection astounds me. I feel so lucky to have been given the chance to be her mommy.

Cole is still my little character. He still makes me laugh and has no idea how funny he is. Watching him interact with his sisters is always a site to behold. He has so much love and compassion for all of us, his family, that I have no doubt that his life will continue to be full of love and happiness as he continues to grow.

Mehkaelie .. my first born .. She's turning 10 this year and while that scares me to death it also brings tears of joy to my eyes. I have a bond with her that I never knew was possible to have. She is always so literal and always over-thinking things .. I'm worried she's missing out on all the fun she should be having. She has no problem having fun, don't get me wrong, but it takes her some time to get there. She's becoming such a brilliant young lady and she is so much help to me with the other two as well as around the house and just being there when I need a movie buddy or a hug.

My kids .. they really are everything to me. They are the reason I get up, the reason I smile and overall the reason I function at all, really. Even with all the bad that has happened, and is happening around us, they remind me how good life is and how precious every moment is.