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Monday, July 30, 2012

The births of my children.

Perhaps it's the fact that my son just had a birthday, my oldest daughters is coming up within a few weeks, and my youngest daughters 5 month birthday is coming up in a few days .. but I've been thinking about the difference in their births a lot lately.

Mehkaelie - Induced due to pre-eclampsia. Entire process lasted 30 hours. Water broke on its own. Given opiates for pain and later a spinal block. Pushed for roughly 20 minutes.

Cole - Water broke at home the day before I was schedule for an induction due to pre-eclampsia. Entire process lasted 13 hours. Was given a choice between getting an epidural or opiates due to my blood pressure, opted for the epidural, it failed completely. Actively tried to not push and he came out anyway.

Haevyn - Induced due to pre-eclampsia. Entire process 9 hours. Water broken by doctor. Requested epidural, worked to perfection. Again, actively tried to not push and my body forced her out anyway.

Overall, the most painful birth experience was with Mehkaelie. My oldest. My first baby. Given countless doses of opiates that did nothing but make me dizzy, sick and extremely irritable instead of an epidural, which I'd requested the moment I entered the hospital. Once given the spinal block, however, I became unconscious before I laid back in the bed and didn't wake up for the hour and a half before she was born.

The most pleasant birth experience was with Haevyn. My last baby. The epidural was like nothing I'd ever felt. There was absolutely no pain at all, I could still move my legs at will, as well as the rest of my body, and it really made the entire process so much sweeter.

But, the most satisfying birth experience was with my son, Cole. My middle born child. Having had a failed epidural and no other drug interventions I rocked the damn near natural labor and delivery process. I felt as if I would die when he was coming out, but once he was in my arms I was in such shock that I'd done it, and that he was a BOY, that all the pain faded away into the background. Until, that is, they started stitching me up. Then I wanted to kick the guy in the face.

Every one of my experiences were vastly different from one another and yet, I don't know that I could say there was a "favorite" or one I'd "do again" if I were to have more children. I really thought I'd want to go au'natural with Haevyn like I had with Cole but after thinking about it and realizing this was my last baby, I figured I'd go out in comfort.

I'm so glad to have had the pleasure of all of these experiences and look forward to when my daughters and daughter-in-law go through them. With any luck, I'll get to be there for all of them, just like my dad was for all of mine.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I Am A Mommy

From the top of my head to the tips of my toes and everywhere in between .. I am a mommy.

My children love to play with, or rather tangle, my brown, curly hair and I love to let them.

While headaches are par for the course in parenting, the knowledge that I am theirs and they are mine makes it more than worth it.

Watching my children grow and seeing them interact with the world around them as well as each other fills my heart with such joy and pride. Being able to raise an eyebrow and squint my eyes "just so" and convey my displeasure for their behavior without speaking a word or letting my eyes pop open in surprise and excitement when they "surprise" me with something they've hand crafted out of 40 sheets of paper and 2 pounds of glue is something I wouldn't give up for the world.

Rubbing our noses together to give "eskimo kisses" and seeing them laugh when they play "what's that smell" and it happens to make my nose scrunch up because it's such an awful odor is something I cherish, bad smells and all.

Kissing them daily, having the special ability to make owwies all better, being able to tell them how much I love them every single day, laughing and smiling with them, singing songs with them and teaching them are just some of my favorite things.

I will carry the weight of their problems on my shoulders until they're ready to handle them on their own.

Being able to hug and hold them, snuggle and keep them warm fill my days with just as much happiness as they do theirs.

Holding their hands in mine, wiping the tears from their faces and lending them a hand whenever they need one are things I always hope to do for them.

Holding so much love in my heart that some days it doesn't feel like there's enough room is one of the most wonderful feelings I've ever been blessed with.

Being given the amazing chance to provide nourishment to all three of my children with my body has been indescribable.

While I may have extra inches around the waist and my stomach is definitely not as flat as I might like it to be, I earned my "stripes" that are on my body by carrying my three beautiful children inside of me and falling in love with them more and more as my belly grew larger and larger.

Being able to run and jump and chase my kids around, or run away from them from time to time when they turn the tables on me helps keep me, and them, active and having fun together.

With everything that I am physically, emotionally, and any other way you can be .. I am a mommy. And I love it.

Monday, July 9, 2012

And it's only 10am

I was awakened this morning by my son, Cole, whispering loudly in my ear asking to play the computer. Aside from the heart palpitations this caused, I jumped when he woke me up and my head banged into his. His hysterics woke up the baby, who decided to fill her diaper extremely loudly. This seemed to cause the pain in Cole's head to disappear as he began laughing so hard he fell on the bed, onto my leg that was in an awkward position causing incredible pain to shoot through my leg and ankle making me cry out, scaring both him and the baby. Now we're all sitting on my bed crying; Me in pain, Cole fearing he's in trouble, Haevyn just not sure why everyone's being so loud while she's sleeping and why she's in a poopy diaper. I get up, change the baby, Cole logs into the computer. Haevyn starts laughing while I'm changing her and not thinking anything of it, I just keep doing what I do in the normal way.. up until she decides to start peeing on me and continues laughing about it. I clean her up, the bassinet up, the floor up and then, finally, myself. I realize I have to pee, so I put the baby in the middle of my bed and ask Cole to keep an eye on her for a quick second so I can run to the restroom. He agrees, snuggling up in the bed beside her. As I'm finishing up in the bathroom I realize we're completely out of hand soap and instead of soap being in the dispenser, there's just water. I grab the hand sanitizer and call it good for now, I can pick some soap up later. As I get back to the bedroom Cole is telling me to "Quick mom! Take a picture!" not realizing that nothing quick is going to come from this mom this morning. I find the camera, find the memory card, take a picture. Baby starts crying, Cole doesn't want to be near her now, but stops to sniff her before he gets up. He informs me she does NOT smell delightful. I change the baby again, walk with her into the next room and stub my toe on the step into the living room. I turn and hop trying to keep hold of the baby while running into the wall with my left arm, snagging my skin on something unseen. Mommy injuries up to this point: bleeding arm, searing pain in toe, weird cramp feeling in leg and ankle. I put the baby in her bouncer and back up into the table, banging my tailbone against the corner. It feels like I've just sat on a belt buckle. I kick Cole off the computer and sit down at it to start flipping through e-mails, Facebook, my calendar for today and browse Yahoo news. I get so far as opening Chrome and Haevyn starts fussing. Go get her, bring her in here with me, bounce her on my knee while one handing the mouse and keyboard. Spit up all down my arm. Get up to clean the baby up and oldest daughter, Mehkaelie, comes out of her room frantic asking, "What time is it?!" .. I glance at a clock and answer, "8:30". She bursts into tears. She's missing a movie she wanted to watch this morning on the TV. Cole tries to say something to her and she snaps at him. I tell her to stop sniping at him, it's not his fault she over slept and she needs to chill out or go back to bed until she can calm down. This causes her to cry more and sit down on the couch to pout about it. By this point I've completely forgotten what I was doing with the baby so I sit her down in her bassinet and get a whiff of baby spit up. Ew. That's what I was doing. I clean the baby off, clean myself off, trip over the baby's clothes basket and remember I was supposed to put her clothes away last night. I start pulling them out and they're still wet. Mehkaelie puts them back in the dryer for me. Sit back down at the computer, Haevyn starts fussing. Get her, bring her to the living room to her swing, Cole's hungry. Make breakfast, burn my thumb. Eat breakfast, burn my tongue. Get a drink, run out of tea. Finally get to sit down and check my email. Reply to a few things in e-mail and FB, check my calendar, see Mehkie at the my door holding Haevyn. Cole comes out of the bathroom telling me we're out of soap and the toilet won't flush, the water is just going up instead of down. Unclog the toilet, clean the toilet, wash my hands sans soap, use more sanitizer. I really need to go to the store. Baby fusses, feed her, get her laid down for a nap, look at the clock, 10am. This is going to be a long day.