Wednesday, September 26, 2012

My Oldest Daughter

I'm not sure why, but my oldest has been on my mind a lot lately. I've been thinking about everything .. when she was born, learning to walk, talk, dress herself.. When she started school, started making friends, went on her first sleepover.. Everything. I think I'm still in a bit of denial about her being ten years old already. It just doesn't seem possible. Were it not for the younger two, I think it would be a lot easier to deny.

She was such a sweet baby when she was born. I hate this picture of her, though. That's awful to say, isn't it? The very first picture I have of her and I don't like it at all. The nurses woke her up to take the picture and she was so mad. She started screaming about .2 seconds after this picture was taken .. you can already see her little face getting red and blotchy.. But, bad picture or not, I love that face. I love that pink skin, that fuzzy brown hair and those tiny, perfect hands. I love that scrunched up face and those pouty lips (that she still has to this day, by the way). I loved everything about her then, and I still do now. More-so, even. I don't know what I would do without her. My pregnancy with her was, of course, my first so I didn't have any expectations other than to get fat. When I was choosing her name, it really wasn't that hard. I knew I wanted "Brooke" in there some where. Years ago, when I was just a child, maybe 5 years old at the most, we were at some sort of church function and all the kids were scattered around playing here and there. A little girl and I had found ourselves a pretty brook to play in and were just laughing and having a gold ol' time together. When her mom found us, she smiled very sweetly, one of those mommy's you know you'd like, and took the little girls hand and said, "Come on Brooke, we have to go now .. say bye bye to your new friend." and there she went. Brooke had big blue eyes, snow white skin and a huge puffy party dress on. I don't know why I remember her or why that memory is still so fresh in my mind to this day, but it is. I obviously wasn't thinking about having kids at that point but as I grew up and my friends and I would talk about "when we grow up" that little girl was always on my mind. Brooke Donaldson doesn't sound very good, though. Not to me, anyway. So I decided a middle name would work. My step-mom mentioned liking the name Makayla and my pseudo-mom at the time mentioned liking the name Kaylee. I liked them both so I decided to smash them together. Makaylee looks like a breed of monkey to me, though. So, in the way that I've perfected (in my mind at least), I scrambled up some letters, phonetically sounded it out, and Mehkaelie is what I came up with. It looks really pretty when you hand write it, I think. Mehkaelie Brooke. When she was first put in my arms I thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and the softest thing I had ever felt. Even if I was so drugged up I couldn't see straight, I saw her and everything about her made me smile.

Joe, Mehkaelie and I went on our first "Family Trip" around part of Oklahoma when she was 13 months old. We went to Alabaster Caverns, Boiling Springs State Park and Glass (or Gloss) Mountain. One of my favorite pictures ever of Mehkaelie was taken at Glass Mountain. She was walking barefoot (she loathed shoes at this point) picking little flowers from the side of the pathway. She looks so happy and carefree in this picture. There's no comparison to it all these years later. Of course she's taken plenty of fabulous pictures since this time, but this one is still my favorite. Perhaps it has to do with my ecstasy of the day. It was one of the most perfect days of my life. Excluding the births of my children of course. Joe and I were ridiculously happy and so much in love that you couldn't pry us apart. Seeing him with Mehkaelie made my heart so happy I would nearly cry on a regular basis because of it. They loved each other so much and I'm happy to say, still do.

She turned 10 a month ago and it still seems pretty surreal. I'm sure lots of parents feel this way, though.

Christmas 2005
2006 - Caught hiding under daddy's desk!
Mehkaelie is so bright, so smart, so beautiful and talented, again, I'm sure lots of parents feel this way about their kids! But that's a good thing! I love going to parent teacher conferences like we did just yesterday and hearing the teacher tell me how great she's doing. She loves the Gifted And Talented Education program she's in and comes home telling me all about it every Monday afternoon. She's also in Honor Choir for the school now and she was also selected to be in the Mustang Area Honor Choir! I'm so incredibly proud of her. Wow. I never knew how much love one person could have for another until I got to meet my beautiful baby girl for the first time and over the past ten years that love has swelled exponentially.
2007 - Summer before school started
Kindergarten, Spirit Day! 2007

Here are just a few of my favorite pictures of her throughout the last few years. I love seeing how much she's grown! But she'll always be that sweet little squishy faced baby I gave birth to all those years ago.

Picked out her own outfit, shoes and all.
She was so proud of herself!
2012 - 10 Years Old
2011 New Glasses

Thursday, September 20, 2012

I Don't Drink Coffee

Last night was a rough one. On me. Not the baby. She's fantastic. She woke up about 12 times last night wanting to play. I don't understand why, she didn't have any extra naps or even a late one .. just one of those nights, I suppose.

I had set something up on the window sill in the kitchen and at about 12:15am (about 30 minutes after I'd gone to bed) it fell knocking several things over on its way down, sending them all clattering to the floor very, very loudly. It woke me from my sleep making my heart pound and sending my imagination in twenty different directions thinking someone was breaking in or had just shot a bullet through my window or perhaps Mr. T from my closet years ago was back to eat my toes.. All of these things shot through my mind in about a half of a second and then my mommy senses kicked in and I jumped out of bed hurling myself toward the sound of the commotion. If someone was in fact breaking in I'd much rather they run into me than one of my kids. If a bullet was shot through my window I'd much rather be the one slicing my feet open on the shattered glass than one of my kids. And if Mr. T was back from my childhood closet set on eating my toes, I was going to show that punk what was what and send him straight back to where he came from. Behind the second row of clothes, just before the shoe rack. But, it was just the freezer rack falling from the window sill. Somehow no one else was awake but my heart was pounding so hard I couldn't hear anything but my blood rushing and my heart pounding in my ears. I cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and laid back down.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Random Jabber

Firstly, check out that new header. Pretty cute, right?

This weekend my baby girl upgraded out of the infant carrier and into a convertible rear facing car seat. I have to admit, it was a bittersweet moment for me. It feels like she's growing entirely too quickly for my liking, considering she's our last baby and all. But, at the same time, I really love being the mommy to two wonderful big kids and I really enjoy the big kid things we get to do together. You have a lot more options when your kid/s can walk, run, sit without screaming, etc. But, still. She's my baby. I don't want her to grow so fast!

I love fried rice. It is by far one of my favorite foods. I could eat it regularly without tiring of it. The only problem is, I don't always have access to a chinese food restaurant to go pick some up whenever the desire strikes, so I decided to learn to make it here at home. After much browsing online and in cook books I found a recipe I wanted to use. I have to say, it was no where near as easy to make as I thought it would be! I ended up making quite the mess, but I did succeed in the end.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Selfish Lil Pity Party

I'm going to be selfish for a minute, k? In fact, this is actually going to be a pity party type thing.

I apologize in advance if this offends anyone.

Wait. Actually. Scratch that. I've given you fair warning, more than. Stop reading if you are going to get judgy. Thanks.

This year has blown so far. Of course there's been good things, remarkably amazing, even.. but overall, this has not been a good year.

January and February weren't awful.. just a bunch of doctors and nurses telling me to, "watch your blood pressure, young lady!"

Then came Leap Day, my admittance into the hospital. Tests, boredom. More tests, more boredom. One more test, induction. Beautiful baby girl named Haevyn Adalie that has somehow made my family even more complete than I'd already thought it was.

A month and a half later, my sister passes away. I know it's not her fault, it's no ones fault, but come on! I had just had a baby! I was still feeling the warm fuzzy glow of having a newborn and my sister dies. We hadn't even talked much for several reasons, but one of which being she told me she couldn't talk to me because she was jealous that I was pregnant and she couldn't have any more children. Well, ugh, fine. She didn't get to meet her. She didn't get to give her a sweet nickname like she did my first daughter, my oldest, Mehkaelie; Mehkie. Damn it.
They had a memorial for her in Arkansas on incredibly short notice and I wasn't able to make it because, oh yeah, I had a newborn! I wasn't healed up, she sure as hell wasn't ready for a car trip that long, and I was assured there would be one up here for her family, rather than only for her husbands down there. Well, we're still waiting on that to happen. Instead, my kids and I have done our own little things to remember her by.

My dad has several health issues that need to be addressed, but mostly, he needs to get the kidney stone the size of a frickin softball out of his gut. Several surgeries and months later, and there are still pieces in there. And I'm not even close enough that I can be there for all of them. I only made it up there for one. Not even for it, after it! A day before my birthday, I might add.

My uncle, my only uncle (so far as I've ever known that is, yes, I have others, but none that were a part of my life, none that were him) passes away. I haven't seen him since Mehkaelie was a year old and we were living with Joe in his little one bedroom apartment and I was being stalked by his psycho ex girlfriend. That whole town was seriously effed up though. Seriously. He was such a wonderful man, my uncle. He always smelled of tobacco and grass to me. I wish I'd have kept in touch with that part of my family better.
Again, I didn't get to go to this funeral either. This time it was due to having a sick baby and a sick big kid.

Thus began a crazy whirlwind of injuries and illness in the family.

Cole punctured his ear drum with a q-tip.
Haevyn developed a fever from her shots and became incredible irritable for three days.
Cole got a cold that shot his fever up.
Cole had a virus of the same strain as shingles erupt in his mouth after a trip to the dentist leaving him terrified of dental work all together. This took several ER/Urgent Care visits as well as going back to the dentist and his regular doctors office to get it taken care of. He was in more pain than I've ever seen him in and it tore me up.
Mehkaelie has tummy troubles.
Cole has tummy troubles.
Joe has tummy troubles.
Cole has tummy troubles again, worse.
Mehkaelie has an ear infection.
Haevyn has another reaction to her shots and has a fever as well as super sore, red, bumpy legs and is not happy about it.
Mehkaelie needs to see an ENT to determine if she needs to get her tonsils out. Appointment pending.
Cole gets the flu. This is tonight.

All of these things, excluding the last two, are things that lasted at least 3 days. Minimum.


And, just because I'm feeling like the pity train isn't ready to come to a full stop yet..

The school scheduled the first fundraiser of the year the same week as fall pictures. They're selling cookies for $16/tub when I could make better cookies, or store bought even, for $3. But it's to support the school and the kids get rewarded for doing it blah blah blah so I will buy some. But I won't be happy about it. I rarely buy Fall pictures anyway because for one their prices are just ridiculous, I take better pictures than they do, and they don't give you a preview of the pictures before you buy them so even if they aren't great, you still have to frame them and own the fact that you just wasted $70 on pictures of your kids half smiling, half blinking, and maybe drooling. Between the pictures and the fundraiser it's easy to blow $100 that I just don't have to blow right now.

Joe's overtime hours were cut at work completely.
This is fine, we will make it work, it'll just be tight.
Oh, but wait, Haevyn needs a new car seat because she's about to hit the limit for her infant carrier.
She also needs a high chair since she's going to be eating with momma and momma doesn't want to wear her food anymore than she already does.
And the weather has taken a turn (for the better, in my opinion) but it's gotten rather cold out and hey, surprise, the kids don't have any clothes from last year that still fit. So, Cole went to school in long sleeves, shorts, a rain coat, and (this was his choice) velcro sandals. Fashion Statements R Us anyone?

Ah, well. We all have our troubles, we all have our struggles, and again, those people that say those things, they say, "God will never give you more than you can handle" .. I'm just curious how strong he thinks I am. I think he's overestimating me. I know me, this is a bit much. It wouldn't be so bad if my kids would stop getting sick and hurt, though. I hate feeling helpless where they're concerned.

I know most parents say, "I wish it was me and not you..." but honestly, we'd be in way worse shape if I was getting hurt and sick as much as they are. I don't want them to be hurt and sick and I don't want me to be, either. So let's just leave it at that.

Alright, tunnel approaching. Going to close my eyes and rest my head and hope that when we come through the other side things will get brighter, healthier and happier.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Little Letters

Dear Facebook App on my phone,
You. Thoroughly. Suck. Fix yourself!

Dear Chores,
Do yourself!

Dear Fall,
Please arrive soon for real and stay around a while!

Dear Winter,
We missed you last year, feel free to visit this year! A white Christmas would be great!!

Speaking of ..

Dear Christmas,
Feel free taking your time getting here.

Dear Cole,
HAHAHAHAHAHA. *ahem* Sorry about that. Sorry son, not happening. You're 7. Ask again when you're a teenager. And maybe space it out a bit .. you know, birthday, Christmas, guilt gift, etc. I love you!

Dear Mehkaelie,
I love you, but if you don't quit with this silly "catch-phrase" nonsense you've come up with, you're going to drive me crazy! KNOCK IT OFF! Thanks so much.

Dear Joe,
I know it seems morbid, but my making lists of important information is for your benefit, I promise. You're a wonderful dad and husband, but you are going to need my lists if anything were to happen to me, I promise that as well! Love ya!

Dear Haevyn,
Thank you for letting me sleep until 6am the past few days, you don't know how much that means to mommy. <3 I love you baby girl. Oh, one other thing. You're not a puppy, please stop licking everyone.

Dear Stormi,
I miss you so much. My kids miss you, too. I was telling Mehkie the other day about how you used to call her "pork chop" and even tried to say it the same way you used to, "poke-chop", she loved it. I told her how you were the one to come up with her nickname, Mehkie, so that Briauna would be able to call her something other than "hey".. I was showing Cole some pictures of you the first time you met him. Do you remember? You were going through a weird phase.. lol But you loved on him and kissed on him and I nearly had to break your arms to get him back! I wish we'd have stayed close like that. Geographically and emotionally. I know our lives took us in different directions but I'm glad we stayed close, even if it was electronically. I love you so much. I hope you're partying with the angels. xoxo


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Book Review - InSight by Polly Iyer

A book that would take a typical non-parent reader maybe 8 non-consecutive hours to get through takes me roughly 16-20. With three kids and a husband seeming to always be needing something, it's hard to find time to read around here! And this was one book I did not want to put down!!

InSight, written by Polly Iyer, is an exciting book about Dr. Abigael Gallant, a blind psychologist. Abby, as she likes to be called, wasn't always blind. She was married once, to an exciting, wonderful artist named Stewart and together they had a daughter, Macy. Everything went horribly wrong, though, when Stewart started developing schizophrenic tendencies and ended up shooting his daughter, his wife, and himself. Macy died but Abby didn't. She was, instead, left forever in the dark. She finished school to become a psychologist and began helping others with disabilities. That's where she met Detective Luke McCallister.

Abby was certainly not looking for a man in her life, in fact, she enjoyed her quiet life of audio books, running with a guide at a track and spending time with her guide dog, Daisy, as well as her eccentric, now-on-the-wagon mother, Lucy. Luke is mandated to seek therapy after an on-the-job accident left him deaf. The police force sees him as a liability and, he feels, are looking for a reason to "sack" him. With all of his anger and hostility he holds inside from the accident, he knows without help, they will do just that.

When Luke first meets Dr. Abigael Gallant he is less than impressed. He quickly learns, however, that Abby isn't like other people. She's honest, straight forward, and she understands. He feels that she sees deeper into him than anyone he's ever known. As his attraction for her grows, she determines that their relationship as doctor-patient has to be terminated so as not to tip her ethical boundaries with her work. She refers him to another psychologist and they intend to not let anything happen until his review is finalized.

Abby and Luke begin learning more and more about each other and while the match isn't ideal, "the deaf leading the blind", they both find something in each other that they never thought they would be able to. Warmth, understanding, and love.

Abby's world is shaken when she begins to receive threatening phone calls, emails, and worse, visits to her home. She has been independent since the horrible happenings eight years ago and finds it difficult to accept help, even when necessary, especially from Luke. But Luke perseveres and makes Abby see reason. He and his police partner work together trying to figure out who is tormenting Abby and begin to uncover things that seem impossible.

When Abby is kidnapped, Luke realizes the depth of his love for Abby. He knows that he cannot lose her and he will do anything to get her back.

Abby discovers her former husband, the man who killed her daughter and tried to kill her, was as much a victim as she was. More discoveries are made as to why her husband did what he did all those years ago, why someone is tormenting her now, and just what exactly they want from her. And who "they" are.

This book definitely kept me engrossed. Like I said, I did not want to put it down! I'm glad to have it in my Kindle collection because I do foresee reading it again. And again. And maybe one more time.

Friday, September 7, 2012

[Over] Protecting Our Children

There's a family that live up the street from me with several small children. At any given time of the day (or night) there are a number of said children running up and down the streets, often barefoot, or riding their bikes together. Numerous times, when it's coming up on midnight and these littles are still out and about, sans parents, I've considered calling child protective services to come out and deal with the situation. Generally, just as I have the thought, someone hollers and the kids head back home.

These aren't the only children that live in the neighborhood, though. In fact, there are quite a few around here. Including my three. I often see kids from different families out playing in the neighborhood or in someones yard together. Sometimes there are adults around, sometimes not. I mention the first family simply to let you know of an example of some people, even in my own neighborhood, leaving the "leash" a bit too loose on their children. In my opinion.

A conversation was brought up in a mommy group that I am a part of today about this very topic. A momma was curious as to how others felt about her reaction to a situation. Did they think she was being over protective? There were mixed answers, as there always are in groups such as that, but a few comments really rubbed me the wrong way.

Personally, I do not believe that raising our children cautiously is going to cause them to grow up naive and vulnerable. Nor do I believe that it's prohibiting them from growing. Yes, there comes a time in every parents life when they are going to have to release their child's hand and let them go, grow, and make mistakes on their own, letting them know that we are still there to help them figure things out when they're ready to ask for our help. But who says that has to be before their teen years? Or later even, if that's the parent's choice? What makes you think my daughter who is not allowed to go ANYWHERE by herself is going to grow up "worse off" than your daughter who is allowed to go several places by herself? Do you feel that you're teaching your child independence and I'm not doing the same?

My children are taught that there are in fact bad people in the world and that bad things do happen to good people, and to children, for seemingly no reason. I want them knowledgeable before I release them into the world. I don't want them to have to figure certain things out first hand. I'd rather they had foresight into situations that could arise so they can be prepared for them. I would also like to feel that they had the mental and emotional maturity to handle such situations.

I suppose it comes down to what it always comes down to. You raise your kids, and let me raise mine. I may not agree with your methods as you may not mine, but we all just have to do the best we can and hope and pray they don't turn out to be little psychopaths later on.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

What to Expect When You're Expecting - The Movie

Ok, I admit it. I never bought one of these books during any of my pregnancies. I was never gifted one, either. I also never borrowed one from the library or from another friend. Bottom line, I've never cracked one of these bad girls open and read even a sentence one out of it.
Blasphemy, right? This is supposed to be the "go to" book for pregnant women! What is wrong with me?!

Honestly? Well, with my first, I had NO idea what I was doing. Hell, I was only sixteen. I didn't even know people wrote books about pregnancy. As far as I was concerned, if it was pertinent information, my doctor would tell me about it. And, hey, I survived pregnancy number one unscathed..or at least as unscathed as one can be from a pregnancy.
With baby number two I was a couple years into motherhood now and had heard of this so called "pregnancy bible" but figured anything that I needed to know would, again, be given to me by my doctor, or found on the internet. I joined my first Due Date Club online and between all of the "BTDT" (Been There Done That) moms and information I was finding online, I didn't feel it was necessary to add a book to my collection that would only be useful for the next couple of months. This was to be my last baby anyway.
Hah. Not so much. But along with baby number three came the realization that a book was not going to be able to tell me anything that I didn't already know or hadn't already experienced. I relied on myself to know when something was wrong, to know what I should do about certain things, and hey, if all else failed, there was always the internet.

So when I first heard about this movie sometime last summer, I thought, "How silly.. They're making a movie based on a book about pregnancy? What are they going to do? Walk people through the stages and phases and end with a huge gross-out showing of some lady giving birth?"

Boy, was I wrong.

An advertisement for the movie was slipped into something else I was seeing and before they got to the name of the movie, I was already laughing and clapping and proclaiming, "I have to see this!!"

Today I finally got around to watching it and I must say, it was phenomenal! Funny, sweet, heart breaking and funny some more. It was very well rounded as far as how women handle pregnancy differently. It also gave us a glimpse of how dads handle pregnancy as well as children. It touched on everything from unplanned pregnancies to couples trying to conceive. Also miscarriage, infertility, adoption, vaginal and Caesarean deliveries. Young couples and older couples. The unpleasant side of pregnancy as well as the beautiful side.

Overall it was just a wonderful watch. I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to seeing it again.

**In my opinion, NOT a kid friendly movie.**
*Definitely a husband friendly movie, if you can get him to watch.*

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Wordy Wednesday

Oh yes. I have already begun Christmas shopping! Take that, every other year before! I will not wait until December to do my shopping this year - I am master of my destiny, I am Queen of my castle, I am sleep deprived and probably making little sense right now.

Carry on.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Six Months

You read it correctly. My itty-bitty is 6 months old today. This time, six months ago, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was so tiny. My smallest baby, by far, at only 6 pounds 6 ounces. I couldn't believe how tiny she was. I was terrified. I was used to my 8+ pound babies and here she was, a good 2 pounds smaller. I thought I would surely break her somehow. I kept checking her fingers and toes, her eyes, ears, nose, belly, bottom, the works. I wanted to make sure everything was accounted for, in the right spot, and working as it should. And it was. And she was perfect.

I can't imagine now how I thought I was done having babies after Cole was born. Haevyn has truly been a blessing and has made this family more complete than I thought. Funny how that works, eh?

She is currently asleep on my chest as I type this up, I still can't stop kissing her little cheeks, watching and listening to her breathe .. and I still count her fingers and toes, just in case.